intransitive verb
2002-07-31 ~ 3:16 a.m.

i wonder who the laugh belongs to...

sometimes, when it is dark and things are shrouded, there is a mean cruel wicked laugh that echoes around in my head. i can't even think about it without shuddering...it pulls at toby.

nothing and nobody have distractions and interventions to offer...but the shallow stings of nothing aren't enough anymore, and nobody is pretty damn tired...

i think this part is important kids...

nothing as a persecutor? no, not really. it is twisted, but nothing is a protector too.

protector of what?

i remember the first time we heard the word mewl in some class at school, and found out what it meant. something struck a chord, something hummed inside me...an audible click. it is an intransitive verb that means to cry weakly, or whimper. there was finally a word for what that noise in my head was...

i am sad tonight. lonely, sad, and getting smaller by the minute...

wish all the defense mechanisms would get a little smaller one day instead of me.

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