it is monday/tuesday...

and we did not go home yet.

there were very cool important things to do yesterday...and wow, it was a great day. i like to talk and order food and run baths and brush out hair and snuggle...yummy.

so plans have changed...and they are better this way anyway, i hope.

well, they are for me...and i hope they are for her. i worry. see?

terri and alice came today and we smoked a little and then went to olive garden and it was good. sucky that it didn't stay where it belonged. blech.

i am rather talked out...which is a very new thing for me. but i am tired...and i have been fighting all evening to be 'driving', and i can rest soon maybe.

i have to pay my phone bill...or no more phone. and since i live in the stone age void-world between cable and dsl (too far away for dsl and no cable service) if i lose the phone i lose this too. hmmmmm

in other news....i have almost finished the cd's for my road trip home. around 200 songs...a large majority of which are 'period' songs from other times in my life.

i have ulterior motives for going home this time. i want to see my mom and dad. i want mel to meet them.

but i have business to take care of as well. there are places i need to go...and just stand and look at...not there will be closure there, but it can't hurt to have some additional reassurance that what my life is now is the way it is in part because of these places.

my house, the house i knew all my life, is gone. i have it in my head that the steps will still be there...though i am sure they too were broken up and hauled away. so, since i can't go home again...i will go other places.

my first trip, always...every time, is the cemetary. that is where david is, and that is where i go first.

but this time, i even plan to go there...yes, that place. fuck anyone who might live there...i want to see it again. i need to. pieces of me that even i don't know completely were formed there...and some were destroyed there. and i have never ever been back. not even when i was in high school where all i could do was to drive drunk as fast as i could down that road...determined to outrun the little demons that chased me.

but that is something i feel like i am ready to do...something needed on my journey. and it is a good thing, actually.

but...

i have things to show her. all the stupid goofy things, like the road to jenna's...and where i went to school...those other places that shaped me, the places i did spend my time in.

and that will be fun, i hope.

i also have other motives for going down on a weekend...i want to see if jenna can be around. there are horses to ride if she is. we shall just have to see. i emailed her.

i like my playlist for the trip...it is as it should be.

i am tired. i am washing sheets because of muddy pawed dogs. i have a picture to finish drawing, if i can.

so later.

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