i feel a little better knowing that it wasn't my stupid self that made her feel bad.

and i dunno what to do with myself.

so i am going to sit here and space and download enough bluegrass gospel to make myself feel okay again. there is a big old bluegrass festival down home this weekend...me and my ulterior motives.

i emailed doc and told him the low-down about the trip. and i paid as much of the phone bill as i could so maybe i will make it another week.

though rent is due, and blondie still hasn't gotten me the info on which bill she paid before leaving...bah! bah!

at some point this week i cancelled my lame ad for a roommate...because i was sick of stupid people emailing me and asking if i really had to have that many animals, if i really had to be awake from 9pm to 7am or if i really was a lesbian. good lord people...what is the problem here? i might make a typo...or several...but good grief, i stated it as plainly as i could without going in to the whole crazy part.

i am sly.

but i do not feel very crafty.

most of the night was spent tossing and turning in limited space on the couch. woke up drenched in sweat and scared. woke up freezing and scared.

and back and forth until even talon got dizzy.

now i am left with that sticky residue that coats everything. all over me, in my mouth, in my head...stickiness.

but i lit my feel better candle for her...and crazy gospel music is downloading so i can make a tape for my dad...and i will sit here for a while.

3:20 tonight will find me outside in the back....crouching and listening. because i must understand.

though, as i remember it, the 'very memorable blue night' in canada...it took place at 3:30 as well. i wonder...i must know. my shane is on....i will ask.

though as i browsed through the ap's site i realized that they are all in crawford this week...and i know that this is not a coincedence.

doc just emailed me back....i am afraid that man does not get enough sleep. it was a nice email...i appreciate that.

i do so hate to wonder. i need to venture off for a while...i imagine i shall return.

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