fucking interruptions
2002-07-09 ~ 12:05 a.m.

well shit...

i don't know how else to start...

i am so cold, teetyh will start chattering in a minute...

i left my journal under the bed when i came home from doc's friday...and i just remembered i would probably have homework. and i do

but i can't do it...can't do it doc

don't get it...NO! I WON'T GET IT!

willnot....willnot...willnot...willnot

my world will not crash down further...it will not!

i am fucking goliath and nothing is gonna fall!

i will stand here for anything...anything! throw it at me...try to tear me down, but you won't...i am stronger than you and stronger than this! i am a fucking mountain and i will not be moved!

but where did this come from? all i remember about friday's session was that i couldn't color and it was bad. cause i am bad and gamey. and i don't understand why.

i have a word with a question mark...

EGO-DYSTONIC is a sign, symptom, or experience which the patient finds uncomfortable or doesn't want.

okay, i get that.

interruption........

fuck me...just let me crawl into a hole and die. save everybody the trouble of having to bury me.

fuck you for tearing apart my resolve that if i turn things into loops, that it will be okay. that because i make a circle....that i can drive. it is not your right to point this out...and try to make me understand your logic! it is not my logic. i just need to keep reminding myself that you will be gone soon...very soon, soon enough i hope.

because right now...i allow you to make me feel so fucking shitty at the right word. and that sucks for me. things are bad enough without you inserting more of your opinions.

and i have so lost my place...

and the heater is on in the bathroom...set to 80, and i will take a bath and lay there and soak in hot water...trying to shave without ripping the little blade out of the safety razor.

where did all my goddamn knives go??????????????????

i had nice knives....knives for everything....i had bread knives and cheese knives and they are all gone. lost them in one of the moves.

dammitt, that really sucks.

i want alcohol...alcohol is a wonderful solvent. Kel, remember that? I am glad you are back Kel...do you still drink gallons of orange juice?

i am alone....so very alone....at the top of a great big building and i want to fly....

and there is no net....none.

i'll come back when i find my train of thought...if i feel like it

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