do you believe in leprechauns?
2002-11-05 ~ 5:10 a.m.

well...that was a really long waste of my time...thank you again diaryland for deleting my entry...

so here goes a shorter version:

i worked on that little leaf over in the right corner that says "other"...check it out. or if you are too lazy to scroll, just click here.

i went to the grocery store. it was not the usual trip. i had weird flashbacks in the parking lot, staring at a puddle of rain and oil...and i started to run...

but i didn't.

i ended up shopping amongst other people, looking like 'benji the hunted' in a leather jacket...

i ran in to andrew...was nice seeing him. he is sick too.

i got food stuff...

i came home and made a fire...

i cooked spaghetti with diced peppers and onions...

out of 9999 channels, i watched carrie and then watched the packers beat the dolphins...then i watched riding in cars with boys...

there are cute pictures from the 'sleepy kids' in it...and other stuff...including my disclaimer on the little leaf down there.

i wish that my thoughts did not wander the way they do...

backspace...*take a drag, cough*

because she doesn't want what i want, and even if she does...she doesn't want it from me...and even, and even, infinity...

eeh gads, that smarts.

and yet, there is a peace within me about it...about it all...

because the thing is...it doesn't matter. ask anybody who actually knows me...

once i love you, i love you forever.

i think the biggest compliment i have ever gotten was from a friend of my mom's when she said...

"child, where did you get your heart?"

i just wish my mind would agree...

i am rambling...all because when i built the damn fire i was thinking about all the evenings/nights i imagined in this house...planned for even...

the fact that i hate cooking for myself...

all those things i am distracting myself from missing...

and i wonder if my forehead will crease when i dream tonight...if i will mumur things to no one...if i will sleep at all...and it is a wistful smile that creeps on to the face of one who says it is no big deal...cause that is exactly what i will say...

wanting to be wanted...

another of those things i catalogue next to 'needy' and 'selfish'...

*crooked smile*

take care, my mute non-guestbook signing audience...

may you wake up and realize that you are, in fact, the rainbow in many a pair of eyes...

so...

what of the pot of gold and the journey to it?

do you believe in leprechauns?

...previously... ~ ...next...