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the need to bleed
2002-11-16 ~ 2:17 a.m.
okay...so comrade got kissed and patted on the ass tonight by one hot sexy bartender/singer chick...hell yes! the greenies so put her over, dude.
way to go!
and over to me...i can feel the razor already... cold steel so sharp... bringing stings and parting everything in its path... taking this away. taking away this whole week... getting my tires knifed... finding out there is no job... seeing her...and smiling through my tears...thinking for a second that i wasn;t really alone...and driving away with my heart clenched...because i have no fucking business wanting anything from her. where did i get off falling the way i did? and why can't i stop? why do i jyust keep wanting things from people when i don;t deserve anything? "and it's hard to live the life you choose...when all your lucks run out on you..."then to getting drunk... and seeing blondie hanging over her new little girlfriend...just seeing her at all. what did you think it would be like? "nice shirt"...yeah, thanks...i need more to drink. i have fucking cried at the bar twice in one week...FUCK! and the liquor is starting to do odd things in my tummy now... not happy with the current emotional balance i suppose... and though i have no ass...those jeans are like a size 6, and i met a new friend at the store. we started with a 12 and worked our way down... the pants are sized big i am thinking. they are girl pants...they have only half a zipper....wtf? i hate girl clothes... i hate this week...i hate myself... god, the things i am best at... so help me. and forgive me...for just needing to bleed.
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