i am afraid
2002-11-30 ~ 3:50 a.m.

my brother,

i am sorry i was not here to get your guestbook entry or to read your post. i do not like this situation much. at all.

i will NOT add your name to that list. i was not kidding when i said i would follow you in to the afterlife to beat the shit out of you. don't doubt me.

frankly, it terrifies me. i am afraid. for you. i am worried, worried enough to call toad and leave a message at 4 in the morning. so, if in fact, you are sleeping warm and sound and he calls you all..."what the hell?", then you know. it was me. worried enough to be sitting here and contemplating putting my 'suddenly sober' ass in the driver's seat and driving all morning.

dammitt. i am afraid.

and you. you have more sense than this. you have fire in your soul. i know you do. you know i know.

i don't know what else to do.

i am five seconds from freaking out.

you are one of my truest, most dear friends. on so many days, you are my rainbow. you are my cuddle bright bear. you are my brother in this. it was chosen for us.

and i am afraid for you on this night. i hurt for you. and for once, i really really hope that you are passed out drunk or sleeping or just avoiding me. that you are someplace safe and that you are okay.

that five seconds i mentioned is way up.

i have called you many several times. i called toad. countless im's. i have no other numbers. shit.

and i have no idea what to do.

what else do i think here? what else do i do? you name it...i will do it.

please just let me know you are okay...hell, not even okay, we can work with most anything.

all my love.

...previously... ~ ...next...