fleeting thoughts
2003-01-08 ~ 9:28 p.m.

cold medicine is a wonderful solvent.

haven't updated...

haven't wanted to say anything.

except everything.

my mind is the bouncing ball...

i am just a fragment.

dangling from a branch on a tangent tree.

sometimes it so close that it whispers softly in my ear, teasingly. and then it is gone. i wonder if i could catch it with a butterfly net.

i feel really insecure right now. could be water retention and this cold...that hasn't gone away in three months, or it could be something else entirely.

it could be that i need a new playlist...

or it could just be that i need to find a damn job!

we cancelled christmas for the fifth time today. thought christmas was over? don't ask.

i understand. and for the first time in years, i know with certainty that i could not go back.

"in the air i sense a change of weather...in the end the path is clear...in the end we'll stop and breathe in forever..."

i am smiling a smile that conveys it all...

and i want to bleed. to starve myself. and i'm not, and it is such a fight.

so for that and only that, i wish for distraction.

distract me.

from that.

but only that.

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