my co-workers and work and stuff
2003-01-22 ~ 8:18 a.m.

i was reading this diary, and i started thinking...

about work.

that huge piece of my life that is not currently present. being on disability is not quite like not having a job, afterall..."therapy isn't supposed to be fun". but...i now have the knowledge that when the disability is over i won't have a job. i saw it coming long before i found out for sure.

but long ago, when i was a mere beta test for the team lead position working for ron...i quit my job.

yes, i quit...and ended up being coerced to stay. i was fed up. no more corporate bullshit, no more good old boys club, no more doing ron's work, no more working for ron period, no more authority without power, ....

the list ws so long. i didn't have another job. i didn't care. everyone told me it was a terrible mistake...bu the choice was clear to me. this job was just unhealthy.

i went in early to type out my resignation letters and used their damn printer. i wrote two. i laid one on ron's desk and slid the other under shawn's door. then i ran my teams stats and started giving feedback. it was a whole twenty minutes before i looked up to see ron looming over my desk. he asked if we could talk, i said sure. we talked. i explained. i told him if that i had to do this job one more day i was going to explode. i used the much coined phrase "i am burned out"...it worked. he left me alone. i proceeded with coaching agents in their stats and typing up report cards. and then i saw shawn come through. four minutes later he was walking to my desk. i think ron tried to intervene to no avail. i stood up and we went to his office. his first question was "where are you going?" to which i replied..."i don't have another job, i just want to be anywhere but here."

i got a promotion and a raise that day. but the biggest thing i got was to be able to vent a lot of shit to my boss without worrying about any repurcussions. i seriously intended to quit that job. to walk away from the call center industry...tech support. i was determined.

and now, taking a sizeable paycut, i might be going back on the phones.

the headaches, the earaches, the raspy voice, the forced smile, idiot end-users, metrics, quality...

and yet, i recall being happier as an agent...happier not having to worry about retention and profit margins, projects and call coachings.

Ha! do you remember when i used to put myself on the mentor line when we had lights? *sigh* it was fun shocking the shit out of agents. *grin*

..."internal support, this is carla..."

i was happier on those days. i felt like i was actually doing something again.

satisfaction statements and stats...the tension everytime you hear that damn beep.

waking up and answering the phone..."thank you for calling %^&% ^%^^% technical support..." or "internal support"...ohhh...hey mom.

i wonder if i can still do it?

i wonder if i was ever as good as all of you made me feel.

do you know how much i have always appreciated that?

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