was i ever?
2003-02-02 ~ 12:58 a.m.

the streetlight was illuminating half of her face...head tilted slightly. gestures comprised of tenderness and hunger brought her mouth to mine. and the taste was exquisite.

so tonight was tonight...comrade and i went to the bar to hear the hot sexy bartender/singer chick sing.

in thinking of things, what would you have me say after that?

changing your perspective is about like changing clothes...?

but don't worry. i got the message.

and i am sorry. i don't know what i was thinking. it won't happen again.

i will clean up the mess before you see it. i will try harder to hide it all. i am really good at it, actually.

but that? please don't do that.

don't tell me my attitude is wrong. i already know.

but don't you understand....if this were an easy fix....if i had a fucking clue...it would already be done?

..."just get over it"...

get in line.

and cut me some fucking slack. months...months and i didn't starve myself or shred myself...

and this...this that you have seen and discussed...this is a cat scratch compared to the raw and deep gashes i am leaving inside...where no one sees.

why isn't it enough that i am not driving my truck off the turnpike?

what do you expect from me?

i am remembering to breathe more often than not.

if there was a moon i would howl.

i am doing the best i can.

let it be enough. please.

for once in my life...let what i can do be enough.

...except i'm not that naive anymore.

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