i don't remember....
2003-02-04 ~ 11:03 p.m.

haven't even loaded the page and my fingers are already halting...

why...

can't i just pour my little heart out here?

because it would fry my beautiful motherboard...think about these things.

everyone is less geeky than me...but i have the satisfaction of creaming over uv cathodes, liquid cooling systems, clear side panels and high speed data transfer rates...so i'll take it.

will i ever.

and i seriously do not think it would be appropriate for me to add...

"you know you like it, bitch" to the quote page... even if i did say it.

what a shocking turn of events awaited me yesterday, of which i said nothing.

i had to call the girl to cancel dinner plans for the roomie...and she remembered me. i did not really expect that.

you see...it was another night at sue elln's. and once again, i was drunk...and opened my mouth. i did not recall saying that...and when she told me what i said i almost said surely not. then i thought about it...and yeah, that is exactly something i would say. now it seems she liked that which is a surprising twist for me.

where is my motherfucking halo? oh, right...nevermind.

today was interesting. i was up and down...no medication and vivid dreams...avoided the phone unless it woke me up by surprise...just can't call anyone. laying in bed, staring at tori...laying on her mattress staring at me, reminds me of years past. the background looks... like the cliffs.

gods, my heart is heavy tonight...

i really hadn't realized, or maybe it just became so.

the dreams...not nightmares. no, just the kind where you are confused when you wake up...the kind that are so real you expect them to be real.

"on and on and on and on and on and on and on...she takes me from you, my love..."

here is an idea. when i switch thoughts, which is normally mid sentence, i will try to come up with a symbol to use. what do you think?

beats the hell out of me trying to come up with witty segways.

she woke me up, and i am sure my mom and everyone else would like to know how she manages to do it...yes, i know.

i was thankful to be pulled out of the semi-comatose state i was residing in. i was bedraggled...half dressed...still no fucking sheets...with my 'three-year old voice'...barely made presentable even in comfortable company.

discard the dream world for better things... like being repeatedly called some combination of "mother, fucker and hooker". *squeezing your knees* i just love you! *laughing*

and now...i have been left to my own thoughts and devices.

gizmo found a ball with a squeaky intact and when he bit down it blew air in his face...now that was cute.

well, that was our 'device'...now for my thoughts...

i hate stress. especially self induced stress. i love stress. i get addicted to stress.

job, job, job....hospital, hospital, hospital....

i really do not want to be a groan-up anymore....

and here i go anyway. like a little kid who really doesn't want to ride the big rollercoaster...but doesn't want to be chicken either.

27 years old and i still don't like rollercoasters that much. though i must admit that howard irwin barr, III operated a great viper...hester, wouldn't you agree?

i am going to tune my playlist and do the laundry now...damn chores.

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