before the thunder
2003-03-18 ~ 4:05 a.m.

before the thunder descends...

this beauitful gray box i love very much...

needs a fucking overhaul.

she's become so unstable i can't keep her going for more than 10 minutes.

and i just can't resolve the issue without tearing her down and i am just not willing to do that until my data is backed up.

spent the afternoon/evening without my cell, getting the chaplain's baby boy high. was much fun. tomorrow is a big day...should think happy thoughts and randomly assault strangers with your positivity in her name.

"you know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. and if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them. and if three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in 'singin about positivity' and walking out. they may think it's an organization. and can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, i said fifty people a day walking in 'singin about positivity' and walking out. and friends they may thinks it's a movement."

"if you want to end war and stuff you gotta sing loud."

that was a fun tangent.

she got to meet blondie sunday night. that part was fine. the person i wanted to hit? one, well...two of blondie's friends. the conversation was too brief and shitty to record, but it started with the snide "so, do you bring all your current girlfriends over to meet your exes" and ended with me walking away when the other one said "if you talk smack to my girlfriend i will kill you".

i walked away. i just can't be "that" person. and while ones friends are a reflection of oneself, i don't hold that against you. this time. and i never really expected you to say anything. then or later.

all of which makes me think...

i am in awe of the friends i have. unbelievably thankful to be surrounded by such beauty.

terri called...said i got a piece of mail about a boy. a boy named chad marsh. i am incredibly excited. you can't imagine.

i have lots i want to say...except not really.

phone calls to make...cause i have missed a lot and gotten behind on others.

plans to make...cause things are interesting already.

the dogs are fed, she is tucked in...

and i really want to be playing video games. how strange. i haven't done that in ages.

i am going to bed instead.

the weather is turning and i want the comfort. because it really does seem to be that easy.

night*

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