grace and the FSOWB
2003-03-25 ~ 2:16 a.m.

the girl was sitting at one end of a rough-hewn table.

there was a lamp swinging overhead and it played with the shadows in the corner of her mind.

the feelings of unrest, irritability and anxiety were sticking like electrical tape.

=/=

i say i don't understand grace. but how else can i claim this year?

so...

was it by grace...

or was it the FSOWB?

am i now ill=prepared or is it all magical thinking indeed?

the 'false sense of well being'...which pills were those again?

perhaps we need to share with the rest of the world?

that entry yesterday...the one that prompted im's and emails to flutter about...wasn't about you.

pay attention to the craziness.

when i speak of nothing and nobody...i speak of cutting. sometimes i want to shriek, sometimes i want to sit in silence and sometimes...i want to drag sharp objects down my arms and legs to let enough of it out that i am not choking and drowning.

something is wrong. something is so wrong that even the FSOWB is not helping. and it isn't the war either...no, the rumbling is much deeper.

i am glad i am not feeling it alone. i would much rather experience group hallucinations than argue magical thinking with doc.

i want a tuning fork for flow.

i want something carved from the witchwood. hazelnut and birch. with the smell of pine.

and a bigger jar. definitely looks like i will need a bigger jar.

if not by grace, then by the FSOWB...?

i want to trust in humanity more than i am able.

hey...is your seatbelt on?

...more soon.

...previously... ~ ...next...