where does time go?
2004-07-15 ~ 1:57 a.m.

the day grew wings and flew right by.

had my appointment at the si center and it went well. really well, i think.

those people are really nice. and they seem to understand me without my ever saying a word. they dim the lights and there is nothing to startle or brush against you. there are two gyms. i don't think i want to get on the suspended platform thing...but they have a mountain of bean bags. and they have a kiddie pool full of pinto beans. i saw brushing, gum chewing, climbing and moving...bright colors but not screaming at you. very nice people.

after i went to get a coke and cheeseburger to kill some time and actually eat and then off to the house of a mouse.

and didn't we just have a great little time staying up way past her bedtime doing absolutely nothing.

where does the time go? no, really. i lost a good two hours there somewhere i think.

eh. who knows. it all translates to a blink in the end anyway.

now i am looking forward to catching up with hester. seems like forever. tomorrow will be my fifth trip out since the weekend. yeah...that is gonna catch up to me. ohh yeah.

most of you already know...but i need to restate...

i am not really feeling like the normal "caring and supportive" friend that i usually (like to think i)am. i am pretty much just calling it as i see it and moving on down. as a matter of fact, this temperment change might be here to stay awhile. it has been weeks now. eh. oh well.

randomly...

my words of the tri-day period are: release, inspiration and openness. i love angel bowl words!

walked around and in a vacant house today. it had an oval doorway. and blue paint like my old bedroom in ft. worth. original hardwoods. construction debris was everywhere, it was gutted. they are tearing it down and moving it away...

do you remember the little house story cartoon?? the little house always had a face! of course you do! you must. the little house was once built and loved but then something happened...something awful but they don't tell you what...and the houses all get torn down and changed into big buildings. and the little house just sits in the big, crowded awful city and gets run down, run through, and pretty much run over...and then...they scare the shit out of you by making you think they are going to destroy it with the god-awful wrecking ball...but just when they are about to...they don't. they move the little house. out to a little hill. in the country. and the little house gets fixed up and everything is all better...a new sunrise and happy people and a cute little happy house.

except now i think to myself...on one side, it is great for the little house to avoid destruction and for there to be happy people with the happy house...

but damn, that house is gonna have some harsh memories and turn into a rose red novel...no, really...

if you love, or even respect a part of a city...like i love the historical district in fort worth for instance...the older people on the block who still own their little houses will tell you unbelievable tales of how much has changed and grown over their own lifetimes on the same porches...and truly that is history. sacred and passed down.

ummm, okay. sappy and kinda nice, but not true in my life the above is...the oldest guy on our block in fort worth was a fucking lunatic who threatened people with his shotgun. we got the actual history of our neighborhood from all the gay realtor men. and the actual tour we went on because the house had been on it. but the neighborhood...a fucking great place, even with the crazy guy yelling about the flowers or the bushes or just anything across the street. and the ice cream truck that doubled as an under-cover crack supplier. the point is...i like older houses in older neighborhoods. and i like them to stay that way. buy a bungalow because you love it and want to restore it to it's glory, not because the lot could hold a mansion or a 7-11.

our neighborhood here is certainly quite friendly now. and that is cool. it is the time of year to walk your dog for sure. mouse's neighborhood was equally friendly. i am not being optimistic about any other parts of the cities.

i ate a lot of ice cream and applied a facial mask to see what would happen the other day. not at the same time. that was interesting. i think i took a picture because it was green and that was cool. i will look for it if i did.

i need to do my therapy homework.

and go to bed.

we have a visitor to the pack that snores pretty loud but is very cute.

also...shit, no...i have to go.

)(

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