california grass
2005-02-06 ~ 11:25 p.m.

nothing else squishes my heart quite like home.

i have the thought to draw a map, it would have to be several maps. it has been a fun idea really, something i have been toying with for a few weeks.

this weekend was focused on my pets, jazz in particular. calling the vet and the payroll person in the am.

went over to a friends while the superbowl was on. girl talk and craftiness and multiple versions of brad.

the drive there was surreal. i missed the exit completely. twice. part of me wants to say it was the sunset, which was great...but it also had to do with the old battered beat up darkish green colored car that i saw both times as i missed my exit. it was just bizarre.

and i know i have been doing too much thinking, but with work keeping me so entertained and tortured i have not been as bad as i can be.

gorgeous sunset, radiohead in the speakers, freaky green car with the old man driving.

a friend sent a sad note my way. and there is nothing you can say that takes away the sting of loss, ever. time is the only salve, and sometimes...time is just never enough, there is never enough time.

i am listening to beth hart and kristin hall, perched safely in my chair...with no exits to miss. no sign, signals or cues to recognize, categorize and respond to appropriately. this is my kind of place.

hester and i looked through pictures and laughed out loud. those were great.

i looked at pictures earlier too. had forgotten about that between the swirling gray and red washed roads.

i leaned in to look at pictures on the camera and petted the dog. cards, people, names...some i know and remember...and some others.

i can't stop shivering. doing laundry, getting ready for another week.

had the best conversation with comrade the other night. talked about all kinds of things and stuff. she gave me one of the greatest compliments i have ever gotten.

was great when the sun came out today.

i am tired. i am feeling. i am gone.

later*

)(

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