way typed out
2002-12-12 ~ 11:50 p.m.

i had really wanted to update...

to have something 'to write home about'...

OH! comrade is goin' home for christmas!!! wooohoooo

yeah, i know i haven't written about feelings much...

i am not that 'out of touch' with my feelings...i am just not putting them here.

has the veil of ambiguity risen yet again?

typing that made me smirk...

and typing that made me grin...

and earlier jo and i were talking about our tongue piercings...

mine has noticably changed my voice. well, that and the hacking cough and all the smoking...

regardless, i am wondering what else it changed. because i am not at all happy with the voice change. i think perhaps i have just gotten lazy not having to interact on a professional level with anyone...because i can forcibly bring back my old voice if i concentrate.

during that conversation i also thought about kissing. because what if it changed that too. i am not sure how to guage that.

i need retainers...and i forgot to do the laundry.

well damn.

last night when we were talking, trey was right about my being happy.

i have learned a lot of things i never really wanted to know the last few months. it has been an interestingly fucked up segway...

and forgive my frustration when questioned about any happiness i might experience or what i might be feeling.

it is just where i am.

speaking of thinking...i need to find some holiday spirit or something. i have those lights...i would probably electrocute myself right about now.

anyway, when it comes down to it...if you catch me smiling these days, rest assured that they seem to be real.

if i had not learned the lessons i so recently learned, i would be nowhere near here. and so i appreciate the end result, but damn! the getting here left much to be desired.

i am distracted...

spent the last little bit talking to shane....can't remember if i took my meds....that sucks. haha

i am thinking i did though...cause things are pretty fuzzy round about here.

contrary to the evidence presented here, i have been writing a lot in other places...i am taking some incredible mental images and spending much time reviewing them all in exquisite detail.

and i way far gone, floating on a fluffy cloud of various things....

fuck, my couch felt so good earlier. which means my bed will feel so much better. i have been really tired the last few days even with the extra sleep.

i am going to bed...

i am way typed out...

have a good night*

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