waiting in vain....
2002-12-25 ~ 11:54 p.m.

yes, yes...merry fucking christmas!

waiting in vain...

comrade, you crack me up. here is a blanket.

*throwing you a blanket*

is it illegal to throw blankets across state lines?

from vain to vein...

i need another drink...

christmas was good...thank you for the calls and emails and guestbook loving...

albeit, a little sad...a little without its usual merriment...

and i intended for my eyes to twinkle...and watched the tears well up and fade away when they did not.

but i was still okay. am still okay.

i was going to update earlier and found myself utterly without a thing to say to anyone...

which is why i went nowhere and called no one for most of the day.

my late afternoon picked up when the chaplain came by unexpectedly to say hey and then trey got back from the denton area...and my mom called and then mouse came by...

and we went to the local lesbian bar...

and we had a few drinks...

and for my comrade:

hot sexy bartender singer chick was there...she was wearing a bright red shirt with a bull on it. and mexican girl came on the mic and wished everyone a merry christmas and then hosted an air hockey tournament. they were busy, or i would have chatted to get you the news.

saw my little karla...she is good, save for the hurt shoulder. mia was there...and saturday night is a go.

played word association games in the booth and sipped my scotch.

i am going to fix a bowl and settle in...maybe cook some breakfast or just eat cake...

and either code myself in to oblivion or go to bed.

i was laying in bed last night thinking about things and realized that i need to start taking my notebook with me again...

because there was something...

right on the verge of slipping out between my teeth and becoming...

and i let it go, let it ride on the current of the night...

and it had something to do with riding...

something to do with riding the milky way...and i thought for a second that what it might become would be a beautiful thing...but i was too damn lazy to get up and write it down.

and you know, i wonder sometimes why i bother with it at all.

i gave up the dream of writing when i watched every other part of me die...

yet i keep this going. this small, simplistic little reminder to me that each day that has passed is a day i do not have to live over again...and each tomorrow is a chance to get something right.

i hope that you are having a good christmas.

i hope the stars shine through to you tonight.

i hope that your smile does not fade with the breaking of a new day...

and if i medicate and get talkative...i'll be back!

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