upon awakening
2003-04-04 ~ 1:00 p.m.

i dreamed....submerged under cresting and ebbing waves of screams.

woke up with the memory sticky in my head, body slick with sweat.

i remember once in my old apaprtment waking up to the feeling of drowning in my subconscious puddle of mud and oil water...it was a dream about ice cream and a girl...

many times in this house, but then it was anything with a dick and a leering face...

this time...i woke up differently. i woke up without screaming and reaching for proof that my worst dreams have not come true and wrapped themselves around me whilst i slept.

she was there and the dream was bad, fucked up, twisted and tangled...but when i woke up i immediately knew it was a dream.

i never wavered.

this might mean nothing to you...

but i might actually be learning to trust again.

live is screaming in the background and i am postponing all plans to rest easy.

i feel like i got no sleep. no more reading about basilik station before bed while i am (unknown to me) procesing emotional issues.

we end up fighting a war with spare parts from the hester's lawnmower while you go to the prom with some random guy.

in other news...i have determined i love this phrase. i see it so often it is almost like my name or my social.

"a portion of the total amount due is past due."

life catches up with us...every single time.

and i am selling lemonade on the corner of reality and insanity for a nickel a cup. bring your own sugar.

and have a good day.

...previously... ~ ...next...