going to the pharmacy
2003-04-07 ~ 5:17 p.m.

i am out of honor harrington books...but i saw today that mr. koontz has another one out. perhaps a trip to half price books soon.

this weekend was emer's birthday!! well, technically...yesterday was emer's birthday. but we celebrate in weeks rather than days in these parts.

braved the tornado warnings on saturday night and watched white oleander. bet you did not know that movie was four hours long... if interrupted with hail, tornado sirens and power outages. it is.

sunday went to emer's parents and had dinner. missed the music festival but got to see a few people out afterwards.

today...

it was a standard drug - run.

drive to the pharmacy, pick up bottle and go home.

until i got blindsided by november rain.

drove around with my head down...thinking about things.

mostly about things that don't matter that much at all anymore. the things which defined me three years ago. money and my job...ah, no...not a job. a career. responsible for not only me but also my techs...all my techs. i still have your reviews and write-ups on disk at home...

funny how those of you who have jobs because of me have designated parking spots. *shakes head*

actually, it does make me feel better. it reminds me that i did my job.

have to decide what i can handle. what i can do. what i am ready for. do i want to do that again? really?

the investment?

does it matter if we are ever really ready anyway?

i'm not afraid...or skittish. i am just tired. smart enough to know that the bottom is deeper than i could have ever thought, and i am still tumbling...

no, the problem is more simple. the problem is you. no, not you...just any you. because i don't expect anything from myself, especially not anymore. but with other people, come expectations. and i don't care to live up to them anymore. fuck your status quo...i am just trying to breath.

now where is my damn suit?

perpetual struggle...i am doing nothing until i have gone home.

hester just got in, the maker of the best ever birthday cake. and we agree...anything with the word "whipped" in its name is damn good.

no more.

wow...the chaplain got her hair cut...well damn! nicely done.

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