the judybats
2002-06-20 ~ 5:21 a.m.

and so I sit here...

bent down by the weight of so much pressing in against me. wings brushing stiffly against my skin and rustling.

it is not that i wonder why i am here, i made the choices that brought me here.

where am i, you ask? haha

i am at home...

sitting in my little office with the familiar glow of those select things i allow to shine in the middle of the night and day, window is open...hoping for a warm breeze. but i am eternally cold tonight and today.

i have a friend, an old lover, who loves me....i know she does. i feel it still sometimes in the warmth of her embrace. the guilt of this betrayal is mine alone, know that above all else.

i need a song...pardon me as I dig through tapes...aha! being simple by the judybats...great friggin song.

and now, back in to my life, you stride...without measured step. and your place is as strong as any i have ever allowed to come near me. you make me more comfortable in my own skin...i saw a summit with you that i have rarely witnessed...me, who has loved, and loved well. you, who could so easily destroy me, do you know what you have done? do you understand the awakening and the obsession?

i scream out loud that you can't love two people....and joan armatrading sings back that you can, because there is more than one kind of love.

i want to be free to love you...i feel deflated when i am not near you...trying to show you. but if i were free, if i were not entwined within the confines of a love that has rusted the very links of the chain it built? what then?

you may want me...maybe even more than one side could be okay with me...

but i do not know your wants...you slam them shut like a screen door in the wind...and all i catch is a filtered glimpse.

you speak of training. the word trips lightly off your tongue, even as you stumble across the room.

"hearts can not be broken, they're small, squishy things. they don't break like glass...but they bruise easily. this one you bruise, words will not be spoken.

mmmmm and i want to be good, but good is being simple. simple is forgetting and i simply can't forget.

i want to be great, but greatness is giving. giving leaves me empty...oh great emptiness. and i simply can't forget"

what the hell ever happened to the judybats?

sorry...but we will all be relieved to know that i wasn't actually 'singing'

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