magical thinking and updates
2002-07-21 ~ 9:35 p.m.

funniness is all around...really

take the ring that blondie lost. blondie is the ex that just moved out. we had rings together, for a couple of years before she lost hers at my parents last winter. my dad found it today. how funny.

take my mom today...

were you sad when she left? did you get lonesome? are you going to be okay?

where did all this concern come from? oh right...i forget, i am crazy. how funny.

on to other news...

the ex is almost all out...there are still some boxes and a few things, but it is slowly going.

i put on my bedskirt...and the duvet cover and the sheets....and even if they were to look terrible, they feel yummy.

i am going to compulsively clean here in a while...i am planning it out in my head first. things are messy...this needs to be fixed.

i fixed the lights and the grabage disposal already, and might just break something to have yet another thing to be fixed. note to doc: i have a problem wanting to fix things...all things, all the time.

i also need to update a few things.

yet another occurence with an "anomoly" has transpired and this one is smart and hungry and i find myself afraid to talk about it. i need to, but the things that need to be said don't really need to wait either. i could call in reinforcements and delay things, but i know better than to doubt what i was told. there must be a letting go, and i can not do that. we can wrest that which does not belong, that which is foreign...and that which works through me can expel it, but there must be a letting go on your part. and i have audacity to ask what this means, just in case...and because i am inpertinent. and i have only an idea. but this is what i know. the grayness must go, but do not be decieved into thinking this is a black and white world with the absence of gray. it is not. let the gray go, let the fog go, your mind no longer needs it. with the gray gone, things will feel stark and rather 'as they are' for a moment, but breathe deeply of the right energy and open your eyes to true color. this must happen. there can be no voids, however temporary. when one thing is removed, it must be filled or the cavity will feel like a loss it is not.

it is so similar to that of which you know, even though it is different.

and i am scared to reread that, if it needs clarification or editing, i will think about it then. seems more like some of my magical thinking....wooohooo

on one other note....

i woke up with mel this morning in my bed and that rocked!

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