shattering the looking glass...

morning...hmmm
2002-07-22 ~ 8:22 a.m.

8:30 in the morning and i am awake...very lame

of course i haven't been to bed yet, and i couldn't tell you what i have been doing...not cleaning, not sleeping...only that is for sure.

i think that in order to actually "lose time" one must first realize that one has time to lose. this is not really the case with me, as i don't seem to miss anything...it is more like i look up and think "what was i doing? good grief, 5 hours has passed."...

i would be worried, but i'm not manic. i seem to recall being close a few times, but that could have been any other night too. regardless, non-manic is always a good thing.

i wonder if it is too early to mow. i have to mow again...the grass won't stop growing...even though blondie tried her best to parch it.

i also need to do the following:

1. rob a liquor store

2. flee to mexico with you

3. live on tortillas

okay...so that is not realistic.

and since i have to work on my homework all week...here are some of my goals:

realistic goals for cleaning:

1. mow and cut the damn bushes back

2. call bob about the water damage and getting the trees trimmed

3. clean up the back...reorganize and dump the trash

4. strip blondie's bathroom and re-caulk it (patch anything in mine as well)

5. get blondie's stuff out

6. move my office

7. clean out the garage

8. get a friggin coffee pot!

9. brush the dogs...again

10. scour, brush and scrub

11. repeat...

Realistic goals for the next 3 months:

1. get back to work

2. get back to work and get paid

3. get back to work and make sure shit is happening and is all good

4. find one frigging person in this world i can actually live with who won't mind me and whom i will like

5. in case that plan fails, i have 1 month to find a new place to live

6. pay my frigging bills

Emotional goals for the next 3 months:

1. try to right some of my incorrect cognitive distortions

2. figure out which cognitive distortions are wrong first--aside from the obvious (self hate, self blame, self everything but love, or even like, or even tolerance)

3. share more with doc. seems i might not share all i could...or should or something.

4. exorcize some demons...errr, something like that

5. i think i need to figure out a way to not argue with things in my head. i think i am making things worse when i do that.

6. deal with denial? deal with myself?

More "entertaining" goals for the next 3 months:

1. go on "the date"

2. enjoy seeing jules and farmer and even jeremiah visit you

3. take silent hill 2 out of the shrink wrap

4. go home...go home...there's no place like home

5. grill....grill....i can grill vegetables too

6. create a new home..a new nest, in a better place this time

in other news: