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KT333 Dragon Ultra Platinum
2002-08-10 ~ 4:21 a.m.
i can't get this fucking song out of my head... and i don't mind jack johnson at all...i like steel guitars and suthern lyrics....but this song is driving me nuts. I know she said it's alright But you can make it up next time I know she knows it's not right There ain't no use in lying Maybe she thinks I know something Maybe she thinks its fine Maybe she knows something I don't I'm so, I'm so tired, I'm so tired of trying It seems to me that maybe It pretty much always means no So don't tell me you might just let it go And often times we're lazy It seems to stand in my way Cause no one no not no one Likes to be let down I know she loves the sunrise No longer sees it with her sleeping eyes And I know that when she said she's gonna try Well it might not work because of other ties and I know she usually has some other ties And I wouldn't want to break 'em, nah, I wouldn't want to break 'em Maybe she'll help me to untie this but Until then well, I'm gonna have to lie too It seems to me that maybe It pretty much always means no So don't tell me you might just let it go And often times we're lazy It seems to stand in my way Cause no one no not no one Likes to be let down It seems to me that maybe It pretty much always means no So don't tell me you might just let it go The harder that you try baby, the further you'll fall Even with all the money in the whole wide world Please please please don't pass me Please please please don't pass me Please please please don't pass me by Everything you know about me now baby you gonna have to change You gonna have to call it by a brand new name Please please please don't drag me Please please please don't drag me Please please please don't drag me down Just like a tree down by the water baby I shall not move Even after all the silly things you do Please please please don't drag me Please please please don't drag me Please please please don't drag me down i have 10.2 gigs of music. i just did a properties check on the folder. that is a lot of music, and i am still downloading. but there are just three songs on my playlist. the aforementioned "flake", thunder only happens when it rains and a sorta fairytale. i will add free falling and edge of seventeen and landslide...it is a stevie nicks sort of mood that has settled over me. i am fighting the urge to pick up a pen. i don't have the right pen anyway. i can't find my black calligraphy pen and that is what i need. that or my fountain pen...but we both need ink. besides, if i walk down that road right now i will scare myself and end up barricaded in my house. and just like that song, the letters form themselves in my mind...and that alone is enough to jarr me. just like some bumbling idiot uttering outloud words they can't pronounce and which should not be spoken. spoken words have power, it is true. but written words...drop down...if only to me they are more powerful. and i shouldn't be scared of it all...i don't know what it is i write...but my heart is strong and true. i could trust in that, if i could trust in myself. and it is that lack of trust that leaves me on my knees retching in a field of snow, with tracks of blood all around. well, i did it despite the pen...and the results have infuriated me. i can see these letters so clearly in my head, and my red pen is sucking. one has to trust their weapons. who the hell ever painted me as carrying a pen as a weapon? i get a sword. hmmm.... the sword of shannara... it's strength was in truth. the truth of the heart, the light that illuminates the shadows of our hearts scurrying out the darkest of things that reside there. i told her i was in that book...and i am in a way. if it were not an epic fiction tale i suppose i would have had a shot at really being in it. it is a lousy analogy, but i like it. for the first time ever in my life i am not afraid to know what hides in the darkest recesses of my mind. as a matter of fact, i welcome the knowledge. i do this despite my lack of trust and belief in myself...i do this in hopes of not being destroyed by those demons i collected and created. i do this to test myself...hoping to learn to believe in myself. i wonder if it is possible. i get the immpression sometimes that other people don't see me the way i see me...i wonder what they see. i have no desire to care about what they think...just a curiosity about what it is. there is a song i want to find...and it is seeming impossible. it was on a tape kim made for me after i crushed her. the first side of the tape is rather flat...but the second was full of the songs she introduced me too that i loved. i have one of the ones i like..."no one said it would be easy, but no one said it'd be this hard"...but the cheesy song i want to find is called the eyes of a stranger...but not the queensryche, payolas or lizzie borden versions of said song. i suppose if i got up off my ass and hooked up my computer in the living room i could grab it from the tape i have....but the quality is rough. and i must have quality. *turning off the terrible light and turning on the curious george tornado lamp* "i want to write your name in the sky" holy shit...my buddy list is empty. did everyone die? am i dead? hrmmmm nope...shane is still there. so we are both dead or we are both groovy and everyone else went to bed or something. fuck...i am rambling. i freak out when i can't talk the way i want...to someone other than the fur faces in my life. want to see a picture of some thing beautiful? no...not her! sheeesh 
that is my new motherboard...purrrrr i have more pictures to play with...laters
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