so i was wrapping, boxing and taping all afternoon.

when the sun was setting i went outside and wished for coffee. i sat there a long time in the chilly air...the dogs fell asleep, the birds came back to pick at some of the grass seed...and i just sat there. pondering possibilities...finding my steadiness...actually listening to the voice inside my head whose words seem to ring of truth...

i tasted darkness for a few minutes before venturing back inside...and there was shane. well, not actually there. and he wants to know where the stuff about him is, in my diary. seems i have failed miserably at potraying my cuddle bear accurately in this shattered picture of my life. so, i will give it a shot.

i met shane in canada...we were both sent to work there. *he stayed a hell of a lot longer than i did. he was from good old memphis, myself from dallas.

of course i am a "all cards are on the table" kind of lesbian...and it didn't take long to be established as "the lesbian from dallas, who is engaged to shane and slept her way to the top...did you hear?" i remember the way the air felt that first morning in belleville...i remember all the fucking sand getting blown in my eyes...but mostly i remember shane...and the primary colored walls. whoa...

shane was wearing a gray shirt. he looked like he needed to sleep more.

and so, a synopsis:

shane has much talent, and needs to gather more ambition. he is a soul creature, he is a strangling...he is very much like me, without the lipstick.

he is spiritual and needs to keep it in the forefront of his mind...he is a wonderful person. he is a snuggle-rainbow-something else-care bear. when things are not good at all, he will be a leader. i have many pictures of shane in my mind...but there are one or two i remember everytime i think of him. he is standing in waning yellow light being cast by a streetlight. we are beneath the clock tower. his breath is fogging, he stands tall, wearing a black duster. he looked like a character in a movie. profiled in shadow and light...and i swear that meatloaf was singing in the background. and that was the single best night i have ever had looking for the hidden, underground gay railroad of belleville, ontario.

in belleville, what started as a "we work together, and pssst...we are gay together, my closeted brother" grew in to a friendship i am honored to have.

there was a lot of drinking, there was a lot of talking and there was a very fair share of strangeness...

when i got shipped back home...he stayeda bit longer. we argued on conference calls and laughed at inside jokes...we talked on aim. he listens when i vent, he lets me be pathetic and i do the same. he tolerates my impulsivity upon driving in to memphis to see him, in order to take a mel to kentucky. he tolerates me for who i am. and if i am lucky, he sees me for the person i can be.

so, to one of the few people who became a friend i hold deep in my heart, overnight. you too can learn even more about shane at his place ...click me...

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