dreams and decapitation
2002-10-22 ~ 3:05 p.m.

dreams released me to this...

i want to go back.

we were in the hosiptal, the one for crazy people like me...

and there was this little smooth thing i had in my pocket. if you pushed down on one side with your thumb, it opened and revealed yet another smaller smooth thing inside...and so forth and so on.

i was making out, for lack of an appropriate word, on the glistening lawn behind the bushes. with an old friend from high school, and there was urgency in the kissing, the groping. the sense that i would never be able to do that again.

and i can only laugh...because this girl is so straight i would have never been able to do it all.

of course, it was a "wanting dream"...which i now have to banish. because i no longer want these wants. or maybe i want them so badly that i will do anything and everything to keep myself from wanting them.

whichever, whatever...some days you are just tangled up and can't find the end of the string. and some days...you realize that someone else is holding the end of the string that will unravel you...

what if they drop it? and some random stranger just happens to pull?

i could do what-if's for the rest of my life and get nothing else done. and i resolved at some point last week during the meltdown, this isn't happening again.

i need a coke.

on the way to get said beverage, i realized that there is a decapitated barbie head in my cat's mouth.

i wonder what that means.

i wish you could all understand how heartily i am laughing right now.

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