"fake it till you make it"
2002-10-27 ~ 3:06 a.m.

glenn!! hey!! thanks for signing!! it was so nice to meet you! i would update on the hot bartender/singer chick...but karen did not place a call. so, until we are back at the bar with the licking of the straw...you have to wait!! hahahaha

once upon a time there lived a mouse...

and a snake...

and they lived at the same time.

and then there was a cat. and this cat was viciously wicked.

*meow* ?

and now, a terrible thing has happened. the snake's 'true dinner' is shacking it up with another snake...so her heart is breaking. and will break further when she realizes that the mouse is in it for the motion...not the emotion. neither is wrong, disagree if you will, but both have the right of way...and now is where you really need healthy boundaries. wow, the things i have learned.

so the block party...i took lots of pictures with karen's camera...too bad she can't get that film developed at wal mart. ooooops not my fault the girls showed their breasts...

did you know that you apparently can not have sex on the pool tables at sue ellen's? well, you can't.

did you know that there were more boys and girls in duct tape and leather and feathers than i have ever seen? yes.

and for the girl with the electric tape x'd on her nipples...good taste! and for the very large breasted woman with the 'toy belt'...right on!!

*smoking some ham and stripping down*

there was money shoved wayyy down in my pants *whoa*...i shoved it back in to hers. i can buy a beer...it is all good.

sooo...forty doll hairs, and way too many shots later i sit here.

karen and the mouse *now known as 'the tart'* have left...driven away.

i had a message on my voicemail...from a bull rider. well hot damn.

also, my phone picked up a few extra numbers...my phone is desired.

fucking cell phone.

i am listening to the naughty song, and loading another bowl...

there are images and thoughts swirling in my mind...more like floating in alcohol actually.

...and your head is bent back and you are moaning in my ear...arching up and out...riding my knee...and your neck...is right there. and if the situation were a little different, my fangs would have been buried...and all of this other shit might have been forgotten for a while. *wicked smile*

and i am so fucking well behaved...and i hate it.

and i met ann...again. wow.

she has changed a bit in the last four years or so...dayum.

she is looking to come to work at stream...how motherfucking funny.

we were in line at the bathroom...and i am just standing there waiting for the sex in stall 'a' to cease...and this girl looks at me and says..."you are carla, right?"

yeah...?

"i was at your apartment for new years a few years ago...christina said you were here."

well alrighty then.

shit man. shit. i felt bad for not remembering, but it was all good. i will call her and see what i can do. if i can't make the magic happen, maybe a trey can? she does know her way around a computer though...so maybe not, eh? hahahaha

so anyway...at the bar...standing and drinking (an accomplishment)...

...there was nine inch nails playing... grinding like animals...hands pressing and slding along seams...lips meeting for just a second...music pounding...bodies entwined moving...neck bared...breath warm...veins throbbing in delightful rythym...invitations and silent curses passed between all...

i did not have to apologize to any christmas trees tonight...so it is still all good.

and i ask...why? why do you even want to try this again? playing a game you want no part of (and suck at), doing the same shit you did when you were 23 and living a different life...

and my only response is that i want to forget. *backspace, backspace*

so what else do i do here but jump back in the shark infested waters?

call me "chum" and move along...?

i know that i am the queen of distraction, i need no reminders...but i thank karen and trey and terri for reminding me that sometimes...distractions are healthy.

and i envy the playing skills of our favorite heroine...the sleek manipulation leading to physical fulfillment and who cares about anything that might come after? sound harsh? sound like you or someone you know? yeah...it is everywhere, this concept of 'free love and nickel beer', but don't blame ms. pike for it. and there are days and nights when that is what i want to be...what i want to be capable of...because really, what is the big deal? right. and then i wake up...

because that is not me, not the way i work...fundamentally. and it isn't the way i want to work.

yeah? well...fuck it...even i can try?

that is laughable, at best, i am sure.

so...in honor of our mouse...

"Fake it till you make it"....fuck the rest.

*glad it is close to halloween...i am actually cackling i think*

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