thaw me out....please
2002-12-08 ~ 8:40 p.m.

dear self,

this is a note to remind self that what just happened...should not be repeated. the wet, frozen look is out...right?

... take a moment to picture this as my fingers start to thaw out ...

me, still in my wife beater and bandana...now with a baseball cap...

hauling a bed and a desk down three flights of stairs...

loading it up in a little ass truck...

then picture me having to hold it all down and in as we drive down the service road...for many miles...

and of course it is raining...and the mattress and the box are slipping and the desk is threatening to fall off the side of the truck...

my hands are through the back window, leveraging and holding and praying...

the veins in my forearms are bulging...and slick cold rain is running down the sleeves of my leather jacket...

my arms are locked in a frozen death grip as i silently curse myself for being so fucking nice...

and wondering how in the hell i happened to get myself in this situation...

and i am gritting my teeth and bearing it...cause that is how good i am.

and now as i light a fire and bake up some lasagne and pour a drink and pour another drink and look around at all the shit that needs to be done here...not to mention the moving and such...

well, i am pouring another drink and i will be toasting myself in front of a fire...

until i am all thawed out...and then i will need to be comforted...and i am too fucking tired to even put the sheets back on the bed...

and i am still grinning...despite the frigid fucking temperature and my dripping self...

i will be over there....melting in to a puddle...

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