just a phone bill,,,,
2003-02-27 ~ 4:38 p.m.

"pale face tonto"....

hahaha...of course i remember that.

i was thinking of it the other day.

i was "pale face tonto"...back in the day.

what a day it was.

today is thursday...another day without must see tv...funny how terri recognized the desperation when she realized i haven't seen ER in weeks...

i want to sit and rock and cry...in a corner somewhere.

i am running out of the magic.

and i am not doing this again.

i am not fucking doing it again.

you want everything to be okay...want the lights and the gas and the phone to stay on...

and it all falls on me. and i am bent and buried and out of answers.

if it were up to me, i would let it all go...just let it all keep falling away...and let those of you with all these fucking expectations pick it up and piece it back together...

because i am refusing to do this again.

so we have a phone for one more week.

and it only cost me everything i lost a long time ago. i have no pride...no recourse...no solutions.

and i will be damned if i do this again.

and so i am afraid to go outside...afraid.

whiny little snot nosed fucking kid. i am not allowed to be afraid. never am.

fuck you. fuck you for making me afraid to be afraid.

still want to know who "you" is?

yeah, i didn't think so.

and i am fine.

of course i am.

this is carla. c'mon.

every single time i pull it through and never let you down...

so be it.

...previously... ~ ...next...