i said something
2003-08-17 ~ 1:59 a.m.

every man is an island...i get it doc. now.

i think i might like to be a bird one day. or at least to know a bird. such a great point of observation.

and not just some random bird...no. some really jive high paranoid bird who will fill in all the blanks for me.

my buddy list is all highlighted telling me people have updated...

but i will write first.

you have no idea how much i wish i could update this fucking farce.

how much i need/want to get this all out.

but not here.

i will have a place...maybe even one that will still work even when the electricity doesn't.

my soul and heart are grieving like i have lost a part of myself...and i cannot explain it.

and i give up trying.

i have deciced, since i have such huge attachment issues (i am a fucking packrat)...that i will form a new version.

see...

i have lots of things. goofy things.

like lighters and calenders from four years ago...that i will not throw away.

because everytime i see one of them...

it strikes a cord in me. resonating memory. every thing i have has a story.

so throwing it away is out of the question...it is the sight of those objects that brings such a smile to me.

and so i am making my very own 'digital life' book.

pictures with full text. so everytime i look at them, i remember.

because remembering is important.

digital images and some text...

and suddenly my drawers are much less full.

and that is a good thing. i am determined to travel a little lighter.

..."the lack thereof would leave me empty inside..."

nah, it is groovy.

i am working towards something. inspired by someone. i know i can be better than myself.

...

tonight was the bar...teasing of days long gone.

our two favorite characters, mouse and snake, were out and in good spirits. it was all fabulous.

what a wild and crazy year, even by my newly formed standards.

lots of entries and a year and some change later...

and i see the differences...

i just wish...no, nevermind.

i have the hiccups. everytime i have the hiccups now i think of khush. and me...in my suit and khush in the yellow breakroom with him trying to teach me how to actually drink water upside down.

and i would really like to get the job i applied for friday.

where else would i ever learn such important life lessons?

"...wanna put my tender heart in a blender...watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion..."

ahhh yes...but "my stomach turns and i exhale..."

oh! new project.

i have always been fairly confident that i could solve the worlds problems...however small or large....just not my own.

prove me wrong.

what is your problem?

no, seriously. this is fun for me and i don't have a lot to do.

*smile*

goodnight my mute motherfucking audience.

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