taste blood
2003-09-08 ~ 3:14 a.m.

tonight i will be engulfed in my guilt, and i will drip scarlet until i have bled it dry. for every glistening streaking tear i will create a new trail of blazing scarlet for a finger to trace absently as a reminder.

now, before you start calling 911 and yelling at me for cutting...give me a fucking break. let me at least talk about it if i can't do it.

let me make the sleekness of those blades and the taste of blood the most exquisite pleasures in this world if i want them to be at this moment.

lick the blade.

it was nice to talk to my comrade.

was nice to listen to the music and feel the breeze.

it is nice to be home where i can block everything else out and drown my ears in toad...immersing my self in another place...another time

a time when things were much more simple and maybe i did not feel as guilty.

a time when i understood that it really isn't that hard.

i falter when i realize it has been a year and i am sitting in the same chair.

one day i will no longer take baby steps.

i will take long strides in your direction and the road will unfold before me.

it has to come around sooner or later.

i will code when i get new batteries...and make the right images.

the wall is mostly patched and will be painted tomorrow. the dust will be cleared.

and one day soon i will open my eyes...

but not until i understand what i will see.

taste the blood and appreciate the sweat and tears it took to create it.

dream in gleaming silver my loves.

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