weather report
2003-10-09 ~ 12:07 p.m.

i had a conversation yesterday about knowing people...

choosing to know people.

i almost felt like she understood for a minute...what it was like for me.

and i think she does, in the best way she can.

but it was still funny to hear.

i have been angry lately...or maybe just annoyed.

i heard somewhere that the word "relationship" is another word for "deceit".

and i have wondered about that for a while. because frankly, it is somewhat true. there are things you will tell a friend and not a lover...and vice versa. and i think that sucks.

but honesty is as brutal as they claim.

of course, then again...i am somewhat tinged on the subject and it is hopefully not too often one encounters a true master of deceit.

expect, even those are fallible. i would know.

i don't want to write here anymore on days like this.

because there is absolutely nothing i can say here.

and so much i might otherwise.

because you see...

you are pietous.

you are a liar.

you are innocent.

you are sweet.

you are kind.

you are soft.

you are a junkie.

you are a bitch.

you are pushing me.

you are forgotten.

you are always loved.

you are a wild ride.

you are desire manifested.

you are weak.

you are manipulative.

you are incredibly strong.

you are my best friend.

you are gone.

you are missed.

you are cursed.

you...

so many you's...

and with no place to unwind it all...

it needs to be okay that i just need to be left alone for a while.

fucking hell. here we go with the whole boundary thing again. no...not here. whatever.

i go inside myself...and struggle with sanity and insanity and see who emerges next.

things are kind of stagnant. i am annoyed by that. the weather is oppressive.

i have nothing left. which is fitting because i started with a lot.

and found out that none of it mattered in the end.

eternally,

~vamp

...previously... ~ ...next...