happy turkey day
2003-11-27 ~ 1:39 a.m.

the last few days...

blurred.

mostly work...but i am emotional.

i was sitting here nursing my stunned little nose and going through my catalog of older stuff...

and thought it apropos that i had this to say a year ago...

"i have always known. it was ingrained in me, not intentionally, but done regardless...

it was not unlove, or even wanting to be wanted...

it was something else...similar, but not the same...

it was...

because i whined...because i was spoiled...because i let them do that to me...because i never said anything...or said the wrong thing...because i wanted to save my friends and never could...because they weren't proud...

that is an unending list...

maybe i am realizing why work helped me hold it together...it constantly fed some alternate sense of self worth..."

i am not in that place, but i am still not far removed. leaps and bounds but backward is always faster to get to than forward.

not that i am going backward...not at all. just looking at it.

shannon and i have been talking a lot the last few days and i like that.

listening to parts of the new sarah. i am so much more pleased.

and now tonight, i hear that edie is releasing an album?!

the women of my musical world....ahhh.

"fallen" is destined to be overplayed...but at its core is a really good song. with lines like ..."it's the bitter taste of losing everything

that i have held so dear..."

yet now...arlo is singing alice's restaraunt...

because it is turkey day!

happy turkey day.

i am sorry because i know i am a sucky friend because i don;t call...

but i care.

ya'll mean the world to me. so much love.

once again...

i am thankful for my friends. ever so much.

good night*

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