mattered most
2004-10-30 ~ 2:41 a.m.

i couldn't have done anything better for myself with this last week. it felt really good to be able to put that on the table. finally. i couldn't have moved much slower, stuttered anymore. it was a hard thing to do. i was both rationally and irrationally afraid. no.... i wouldn't overthink, not me... yeah. this is crazy business. haven't felt this way in years, many years. sometimes still with my parents, but i am more numb to that. so i was all kinds of choked up, knotted up and did at some point shed tears. feels like there's a lot at stake here for me. so much more than you know, than i can even explain.

but i have certainly thought about it. like i do with everything. life's little lessons on loss help a lot.

where was i? yes... and to know (acknowledge it!) that i truly am obviously gay is so nice. just about the best words i've ever heard.

but still second to "it's okay".

yeah. that is what mattered most to me this week.

but the computer crashing to the floor is still a highlight.

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