hey matt!
2002-07-10 ~ 6:57 p.m.

i want to be stronger than i am.

i want to be stronger than i think i am.

slightly related, but different...

i have lost muscle mass...and quite a bit of it. i am upset. i am way out of shape...somebody bend me, please!

i just took a bath, hot...maybe too hot.

had the heater on too...i really am crazy. but i am cold so much.

and after the bath, i stood up and stretched and shook the water off like a dog and saw me in the mirror. maybe it was the real me, maybe it wasn't...but i have never been happy with what i see. it registers what the scale says...but not really

and now i am still not really dry.....still kinda wet, in boxers and a wife beater...not cold. which is surprising...but i went outside for a second, just a quick one...into the backyard to look around. and it is hot out there....vapid.

and matt just im'd. i miss matt. matt is one of the good guys, one of the always good guys. he is asking how i am...told him i was on a diet. he doesn't know about the whole eating disorder aspect...i adore matt.

i forgot that matt didn't know about me getting my tongue pierced...news to share!

matt is a sly one...yes sir, you are.

welcome to the whole of my undoing?

hey matt, don't just lurk...give my guestbook some love. it is lonely and sad and needs you.

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