can't sleep for shit
2002-07-22 ~ 1:07 p.m.

so i tried to sleep...a half dozen or so times

but my bed is too big...

the light is too bright...

it is too dark...

the dogs are barking...

i need to clean something...

i need to not lose big 5 hour chunks of my night/day...

fact is, i am a little sad...

i want something to smile about...

i cleaned up the back a little and trimmed the bushes and what i could get of the trees. i will pull out the shredder tomorrow and shred all the little branches.

i am thinking i might go clean out the garage...it needs to be done, just like everything else.

i find it very lame that it is 1:15 and i am still awake.

i have done 5 loads of laundry, and still need to clean everything but the back....grrrrr

i also need to get some food at some point before my stomach really does do me in. i am going to have to get coke anyway...sheeesh, all of life's little mundane things.

i want to paint...i really wish i could paint the walls. but i doubt bob would go for black...or even blue.

i got a letter from my niece, brittni, over a month ago and still haven't written her back. my mom has asked me to not tell my brothers or my dad about what is going on, so i don't really know what to tell my niece. i can believe that my mom would keep this from kevin and my dad as they are both a little trigger happy, but i doubt it when she tells me she has not told alan. something, at least...but maybe not. afterall, he is in love and she has given him a wider berth in this. good thing since he is over 40.

i want a bowl. i really do. though i am not sure it will work.

i am scared to fall asleep alone. funny, that. i tend to change my sleeping patterns when relationships turn, and i choose to not sleep while they might be sleeping...but whenever i am left alone, to my own devices, i am scared to sleep. scared because i know i will still be alone when i wake up...and the day i wake up alone more than a little confused, the very thought of that propels me awake.

manic during the daylight? BAH!

enough for one morning.

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