an update
2002-08-13 ~ 6:12 p.m.

it is 6:12 pm...

and i am here again to set some shit straight.

it took everything in me to beat last night...to fight off the desperation.

but of course i did it. i mewl and cry and wail and rant...but i don't give up.

and even though i know this is far from over (things are too close), and i might not make it through to the end...if i can do nothing else right, i will keep on trying.

i begged last night...and something heard. so, for now...the house is going to stay mine. i might not have electricity...but hey, one thing at a time here!

i need to get to the bank in a really bad way...but it is already past 6.

holy shit..........

i think that was almost a heartattack.

i was just sitting here, minding my own business and sierra jumped and put her paws on my arm...and it felt like someone behind me. whaaa

i was looking back through my rambling entry from last night and the other day and the thought of shooting myself for being an idiot crossed my mind.

you see....i will ramble on and on and never say shit. fact is, my mom bitched me out in an email to tell me she was disappointed in me and i got a note from someone i was hoping would still be a friend through all this.

and man did my little world come crashing down. tis no wonder i felt so unworthy...but they can both bite me.

my only problem is not knowing what to do with what i do have.

i want to be so careful....and better....and something that you want.

i want to not worry so much about money and stupid shit because i have to.

i want you to know i love you...and there isn't a damn thing final about it.

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