well, it looks like i did change a few things around here. my mind, an apparent sift, lost time and all reality at some point in the night. i stumbled in to bed sometime this morning...eyes glazed over, shoulders hunched and locked...

slept fitfully, tossing and turning, everything stiff...for just a few short hours, in between phone calls...

woke up with them streaming down my face, jaw clenched, holding on to sierra and a teddy bear...and so i just let it be. no more struggling. i laid in bed and and just tried to cry, with my head buried in my pillow, for another hour. to no avail, of course...there is no real release.

what else to do on a rainy day when sleep has failed to find me?

when at last i opened my eyes and moved from the emptiness of the bed, i had an email from her...and that was the first real breath of the day.

now it is hours past that, phone calls have been made, apologies said, attempts to do the best i can with nothing left...and with nothing left, i have started to look over all that i did last night. *nods* yes, the posies...i see and understand. "you're the beautiful one"...yes.

and i called there and spoke with jeremiah about dreams of courderoy...and then her voice. maybe a bit distant...but i smile.

i am going to walk away for a while, maybe even try to sleep while the corners of my mouth are still almost upturned.

...previously... ~ ...next...