~tonight it is me and nothing ...else

i talked to just a few people today, as little as possible. got a little "leave me the fuck alone, even if i really would like to talk to you if only i knew what to say" mentality going on.

tonight i am incomplete. tonight i am a shattered fragment of bone. a splinter. tonight a strong wind or a stiff drink could blow me away or bury me forever.

there are four songs on my playlist, there have been all day. all stevie nicks. free falling, if you ever did believe, thunder only happens when it rains and talk to me.

i have sat here all day, except when ryan blessed me with his arrival, listening to these four songs and selling more and more stuff...

and all those things that i want to say - scream - will never be said. i realized that today, sitting here.

it is funny the things i won't or don't say, the things i won't discuss...because i don't want to potentially hurt someone else. it was so much easier to have a smooth surface. it was all such bullshit.

i told someone today that i was nothing of the person they used to know, the person that i used to be. and that it didn't bother me. it would bother me if i were. she didn't get it.

but i got something. something i needed to make it through another one ... and everything else.

i don't wonder that she didn't get it, of course. i am not daft. *smirk*