made my choices...going to drink
2002-10-13 ~ 3:03 p.m.

i am listening to "become you".

and i am smiling. what? shatter the earth and stars...she smiles? yes.

i have expired milk in my fridge and that fact fucking delights me.

it has happened, exactly as i knew it would. exactly as i forced the cards, and bent the frames...

and even though i realise i have sat here all day...waiting, even hoping...which wasn't exactly productive...

i am back. still in pieces and shards...still not clear on the present picture...still all kinds of things, but i am back.

i have had quite a few days of introspection and thoughts and feelings. confessions and want of conversations that will not be granted me...all kinds of things, rolled in to the deconstruction of one recently "past me".

things are laid out, and they are really quite simple. don't tell me that feelings make them complicated, feelings are what make them.

i have felt indecisive and edgy...not because of my view, or the feelings.

my choices have been made, it has been a busy few days...i told you.

if i seem vague, it is because i am. i don't know who actually reads this thing. cause not a damn one you signs my guestbook.

"Become You" has turned in to...this...

tonight, don't look for me here. there is a bella singing at a sue ellen's and there will be a me there having many drinks. matt (this is another matt) says i should quit objectifying things....he signed my guestbook, but what do boys know? i have a rain check to cash...and someone owes me a hell of a lot more than a drink.

my little cuddly care bear, shane, is coming to visit. he has said this before...but i believe him this time. *smirk* perhaps the pirate would enjoy a care bear visit. *raising eyebrow quizzically*

in other news...i think, yes, maybe...i am having a halloween party.

admittedly, there were fleeting thoughts of samhein...of the things to do, to be done...there was almost a longing. oh wait, there still is. but there is nothing to be done. and so...

if i can't have things the way i want them, i will do this instead.

sort of like a second choice...except that if i care enough to manage to pull it together...my parties used to be famous. then i became a lesbian and things took an interesting spin.

i have smoking and soaking to do before the alcohol finishes what i have started the last few days.

so long...

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