slipping and sliding and struggling
2002-12-16 ~ 2:30 p.m.

today i am swimming in the vast ocean of memories...

my dreams tossed me against the rocks and animals...and deeper into the chasms and caves...

and my hester is right. stuck, indeed.

i heard the phone the last time and i am glad i did...it was nice to be woken up by a voice other than my mother's or the tejano music blaring...

and i wonder if i will swirl down and around and around a drain one day...

and truly be washed away where no one will ever find me.

i tried to call my mom, and a strange voice answered the phone and said she was at the funeral home...

and i really feel the need to get up...to get up and do something, anything...

holly cole is singing...

"don't try to save me...just stay away...cause i might make you cry..."

it is no surprise that in my worst dreams i am trying to save someone or something and i never can...

i can barely hold on to myself sometimes.

i really miss home on days like the last few...and yet i dread the thought of going there.

i need to go and do stuff...i have to.

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