craving self destruction....
2002-12-17 ~ 4:53 p.m.

in my two bright spots of the day...

blondie left me the sweetest entry in my gurstbook...despite the shittiness of the day, it made me smile.

and i talked to the mouse for a bit, and did not get hopelessly lost in irving...

and that is pretty much it, but i am awfully thankful for that.

they asked me how i was...and mouse reminded me to get shoelaces...

but everything else...

no...i don't know what to do.

i wish i did.

i wish my father was not a drunk asshole. i wish saying something to him would not make it worse for my mother. i wish he was happy. i wish she was happy. i wish i didn't feel like it was all my fault somehow.

i wish i had a job. i wish i had the money for the fence, or even a cheeseburger.

i am so fucking sick of wishing.

and so i try to do...

and doing isn't working out much better.

i just sold over 8,000 baseball cards for 30 dollars...

don't say it. i needed that 30 dollars.

i am going to go do something...

before i give in to the craving of self destruction.

...previously... ~ ...next...