a strange sort of day
2003-01-03 ~ 2:37 p.m.

"flow" is crashing through these speakers and pounding its way in to my head.

no one called today. not a single person, not even a bill collector.

i thought the phone had been shut off until it let me on the good old internet.

the good old anonymous internet.

rage and panic are barely contained...and i am not even sure why they are present at all.

i am going to breathe deeply and exhale slowly...and if it doesn't work...

so be it.

today and tonight are my last nights in the house alone.

and while i am sure it will be fine, and fun, and all those things...

i am still pissed that it came to this.

thankful and enraged...that is me.

and she appreciates my intensity...and so who do i feel so empty? so unsustained. so banal.

today i feel like an animal pacing in a cage. and i would not recommend sticking your fingers in this cage...you might lose them.

something is going to get pummelled...or i am going to do what i did in my sleep...

start packing shit up and tossing it.

i just growled back at the dog...

*crooked grin*

it is one of those days...

where i would have walked out of my little shotgun apartment and sat down on the balcony to have a beer with my sunglasses on...kel would have come out sometime later and there would have been the wave of acknowledgement. then, after her tennis pracrice, she would have come by and drank a half gallon of orange juice while we talked. hester would have come by later, and it would have started again...

hester...kel is here until the 24th. i thought she was leaving, but she is not. a visit is in order. road tripping to college station...daytripping...a whole weekend. it is a must happen. can we? can we? who else wants to go?

i need to go...away from here.

this desk, right now.

take care...i will be back soon.

...previously... ~ ...next...