wherever i land...
2003-01-04 ~ 3:46 a.m.

okay.

my head really hurts.

debbie's website is somewhat changed...there is a guestbook there. go show it some love.

for that matter, show mine some love.

where is the motherfucking love?

god, i am sick of typing.

do you have any idea how many times you can type www.debbiedoessues.com with no typos as opposed to the number of times i actually had to type it? exactly.

i am going to upload until my brain is fried and i pass out right here in this chair...nekkid.

i was reading through some stuff the other day gathering up stuff for the book, you know the one.

i keep wanting to reclaim this journal as my own again. my place to talk about how i really feel. because i just couldn't/can't/won't tell you. and i like for you to read it, to get a better understanding of what i might be thinking or feeling or doing or eating any particular hour of most every day...but i am walking a thin line most days.

i can be randomly walking through the house, as i was moments ago...and a sudden and unexpected thought will jump on to the bridge of my nose and wave a sign and i suddenly want to write it down and follow through with it...see where it goes. but i rarely ever really write in this anymore. no fuel, no fire...

am i that afraid to see where it might go? or am i just that afraid of you seeing it go?

i feel a little like shrieking. i am not sure what that might sound like or how the dogs might react...but if my head didn't hurt i would try it.

i'm about to make a mess...i should leave the keys their faded innocence and retire before the harshness of another day arises.

i should...but i don't think i can face my bedroom tonight.

perhaps the floor or the couch...

...previously... ~ ...next...