secure yourself
2003-01-19 ~ 1:36 a.m.

i want to drive...want to scream...i want to escape from myself.

there i go again...

so close.

dripping scarlet on other people's doorsteps...

let's make a deal, yeah?

i will fade silently in to the background noise...

if you pretend i was never here and none of this happened.

..."this is the place where i save face...

this is the spot where i jump off...

this is the bar where i lose heart...

over the pain and i'm past the bleeding..."

and now moby is singing and i can pop pills and feel the steel...

and everything is just fine.

this has to come out one way or another...i can't contimue to hold it in this way.

and if i let you down...i am so fucking sorry. but understand that this time i don't even feel like i let myself down...whatever that might mean.

i might come back tonight...i might stay gone a while. just don't know.

i don't feel connected to a single thing...i might just float away.

little karla just stumbled in and i am off...

take care, and secure yourself to something tonight.*

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